If you really knew me:
—You would know that since I have turned 21 I have hit more speed bumps in my life than ever before (not alcohol related)
—You would know that I am NOT enjoying college
—You would know that I still put my little brother before anybody, and anything in my life
—You would know that I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT regret any of my tattoos
—You would know that not an ounce of me misses high school
—You would know that I have changed so, SO much since graduation 3 years ago
—You would know I have seriously fallen in love with a boy that most likely won’t ever know I exist
—You would know that throughout my life I have felt so unbelievably BROKEN
—You would know that I am slowly putting all the pieces of me back together
—You would know that I am FINALLY okay with the person I am becoming
—You would know that I have learned what kind of person I DO NOT want to be
—You would know that i have learned the most over this last year of my life.
—You would know that I am confident with who I am and the way I look
—You would know that art is truly what I love
—You would know that rain is my weakness… it NEVER fails to make me happy!
—You would know I have BIG,BIG,BIG plans for my future
—You would know that I am just now realizing how much growing up in such a small town in the dessert has taught me
—You would know that I have few friends for a reason… a person can only get screwed over so many times!
—You would know that I LOVE WRITING
—You would know that I am a person that will give you a chance NO MATTER WHAT!!
—You would know that I am the kind of person that would do absolutely anything for you to see you smile. Even if we don’t necessarily get along.
BUT MOST OF ALL
—You would know that I am no longer ashamed of my past, I accept everything that comes my way, and I cherish every moment I spend on this Earth because I have taken it all for granted and also wished it all away.
-I am no where near perfect.
-I break down.
-I fall apart.
-I pray for better things.
-I am growing.
-And I am excepting the fact I won’t ever have all that I want.
-But I will always have everything I need.
-I am an adult.
-I am learning from my mistakes.
-I will always be thankful for my life because I know how much it means to me.
If you really knew me:
—You would be surprised.
What would I do to meet Myles?
Just about anything …. Seriously!
I don’t know what it is about him…
Actually that’s a lie, I do!
It’s his smile, it’s the way his eyes light up when he is performing; there is nothing more attractive. It’s his pure talent and his desire to #chasedreams (see what I did there) (; And of course it’s that personality that really gets me…. He is such a goofball, he just puts a huge smile on my face every day!
I’m sure he is so unbelievably happy with a beautiful girl on his arm, because who would be crazy enough to pass up that chance? And I am somewhat okay with that idea; mostly because I only want him to be happy, happy, HAPPY! But there is also that tiny part of me that wishes I was noticeable!
What is a girl to do?
You’ll probably never see this and I am about to lose my mind trying to find a way to subtly get your attention. Also the chances of you falling head over heels for me as I did for you are slim to none,but I tried, right?! I don’t know what you have done to me, pulling on my heart strings all the way from the Bay! Boy you got me good!! And thank you so much for making every day better, and also making me want to make myself better! IF by some MIRACLE you ever happen to stumble upon this fan-girl blog do NOT hesitate for one second to call me! (;
It’s funny because as I’m typing this I realize how middle school crush this sounds! I promise you I am 21! Haha! It’s also funny because I seriously have NEVER fan-girled this hard over anybody before. Ugh he’s got me going C.R.A.Z.Y!!
Okay… I guess I’ll stop gushing, and hoping, and praying, and wishing, and dreaming about my CRUSH (seriously)
The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)
Here goes the biggest rant of my entire life. If you disagree with me, let’s talk about it! I would love to see a difference of opinions and rationally discuss them like adults!
So here are my thoughts on this controversial topic…
I do not see anything wrong with being any sort of sexuality. You identify with whatever makes you happy! Here let me repeat that for those that had a hard time swallowing that… I DO NOT SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH MAKING YOURSELF HAPPY AND IDENTIFYING WITH WHATEVER SEXUALITY YOU CHOOSE! It is really that simple; I believe that most people that are gay were in fact born that way! However, I think that there will always be circumstances in which people are confused and attach themselves to the idea of being gay because maybe they don’t fit in or are just different and think that must mean they are gay. They are searching for an “answer” as to why things don’t align for them!
With that being said here is why my opinions stand the way that they do. Being homosexual in my eyes is nothing to be ashamed of, if you like guys I think that’s great, so do I, let’s talk about it and be friends! If you like girls that is also great, I do when i’m drunk, let’s talk about it and be friends! Just because you are the same sex as me but identify differently than I do doesn’t make you a bad person, hell in my eyes it doesn’t even make you a sinner! You are just different than I am, and I respect that! You are a strong person, you are independent, you are beautiful, you stand for what you believe in, you are you! I never grew up in a church but I did attend a Nazarene university for a year where I was taught all the reasons being gay was a sin. I was constantly reminded that you have to be a certain way in order to truly abide by the rules set up by the bible, and you definitely have to be a certain way for God to love you. This was all WAY TOO MUCH for me to swallow.. I personally don’t like being told what to think, do, believe. Maybe it’s just me!
My thoughts on this topic are so strong because I personally believe we are all people, we are all different, we all posses different qualities, we ALL DESERVE LOVE!
Call me crazy…. and disagree with me because of your religious beliefs that is PERFECTLY fine with me! I respect your opinion and your thoughts but do NOT discriminate or bring others down around me!
Will you love me at my worst? Will you accept all my flaws? Will you find the good in my heart? Will you see me how nobody else has seen me? Will you trust me when I speak? Will you be my forever?
There will always be those days that you have a heavy heart and you’re not completely sure why. We will all have days that we feel like there is so much to say, and not know how to form the right words. There is going to be days where space and separation is going to be the cure-all. And when those days come don’t stop your mind from wandering, answer your own questions, spend time alone, go somewhere you feel safe and secure, be independent, stop worrying about judgement from others, and listen to what your body is telling you. Don’t be afraid to take time and cherish yourself; go see that movie. Yes by yourself. Seriously nobody is honestly going to care that you are alone! Be adventurous and go see the beauty that surrounds you (please be careful and don’t get lost). Be spontaneous, and do something you’ve been telling yourself you were going to do for a long time!
I promise you at the end of the day when these days come around and you spend that time one on one with yourself and evaluate whatever it is that has gotten you down, or upset, or worried you will feel much better! That reassurance from yourself is the key to all success in stressful situations. It’s like having to make a difficult decision, flip a coin because the moment it is in the air you will hope one side prevails and you know which one you truly want more!
Days like these may come few and far between or they may come in sequence. Take them with stride. Push yourself to limits you know you can go. Explore new things about yourself that you never knew before. Be strong and trust that you will know how to fix all evils in your life when the time is right!
Most importantly remember to breathe….
Things will get better. Days will look brighter. And never forget that happiness is a choice!
For my dear friend Megan! :D
This last weekend I hiked almost 4 miles up and back to what is known as Table Rock in Boise, Idaho! It is a stunning view and well worth the agony of getting my out of shape self up and down the STEEP, rocky hill! Experiencing sunset from the top gave a whole new meaning to beauty! It’s funny how just the little things in life make you realize what great people you are surrounded by, and all the good you have in life! Being born and raised in Southern Idaho has made me take all of the surrounding areas for granted… I have never wanted out of one place more in my life; but Idaho really does offer some incredible opportunities/ places to see and experience! As I grow older I also find more appreciation for what I never realized would mean so much!
I really do love my Idahome!!
WARNING: This song may cause a minor addiction!
Kalin and Myles look so young, but are so unbelievably talented! The “white boy” kills the lyrics game! I absolutely love this song for multiple reasons. 1. They make it through an entire song without dropping the good ol’ F bomb every other word! 2. They are not the stereotypical “rappers” 3. They have so much potential for being so young 4. And let’s be honest they have some of the coolest names I’ve seen in a long time! (congrats rents)
Overall this song is just on repeat in my head!! If you have not already indulged in its goodness, I advise you do so!
Let’s just say this is one of the most beautiful places on earth! Canyon Color in Yellowstone National Park
My favorite inanimate object would currently have to be…. My ink pen! I love the details I am finding through exploration with that little guy! (: